Grieving Someone Who Is Still Living: Healing from a Loss That Feels Invisible
When we think about grief, we often picture funerals, memorials, and the deep sadness that follows the death of a loved one. But grief isn’t only about death. Sometimes, we grieve for someone who is still alive—a parent who’s no longer part of our life, a child who’s estranged, a friend who has cut ties, or a partner who has changed so much they feel like a stranger.
This kind of grief can feel even harder to process because it’s not always acknowledged or understood by others.
What Is Living Loss?
“Living loss” is the term many use to describe the experience of losing someone who is still physically alive. It can happen in many situations, such as:
Estrangement from family members or friends.
Divorce or the end of a significant relationship.
Watching someone you love struggle with addiction or mental illness.
Alzheimer’s, dementia, or other conditions that change someone’s personality or memory.
The person is still here, but the relationship—or the version of them you loved—may be gone.
Why This Type of Grief Hurts So Deeply
Living loss is complicated because it’s a grief without closure. Unlike death, where there’s an understanding that life has ended, living loss can come with lingering hope. You might wonder:
"Will they come back into my life?"
"Will they change?"
"Did I do enough to fix things?"
This constant questioning can make it hard to fully grieve and move forward.
You might feel a mix of emotions: sadness, anger, guilt, resentment, and even relief—all of which are completely normal.
How to Heal from Living Loss
Acknowledge the Loss – Give yourself permission to grieve, even if others don’t understand. Your feelings are valid.
Allow Yourself to Feel Everything – Suppressing sadness, anger, or even love won’t make it go away. Writing in a journal or talking to a trusted friend can help you process emotions.
Set Healthy Boundaries – If the person is still in your life but the relationship is unhealthy, boundaries can protect your mental well-being.
Create New Rituals or Ways to Cope – Some people light a candle, write letters they never send, or talk to a therapist to work through the loss.
Focus on Your Own Healing – Grief can be a chance to grow, rediscover yourself, and build relationships with people who truly support you.
It’s Okay to Mourn Someone Who’s Still Here
One of the hardest parts of living loss is that it can feel like no one understands. But your grief is real, and your heartache deserves compassion—especially from yourself.
Healing doesn’t mean forgetting or giving up hope; it means learning how to live fully again, even with the absence of the relationship you wished for.
If you’re struggling with the pain of losing someone who’s still living, therapy or support groups can provide a safe space to process your feelings and move toward acceptance.